First date on Match.com

Stacy (name changed to protect the innocent) and I met at Ruth's Chris steakhouse bar in Carmel Valley.  She was coming back from a "boring holiday party with a bunch of old lawyers".  Stacy is in her last year of law school and wants to be an energy policy lawyer on her way to running for president of the US someday, and therefore does NOT have a Facebook account as to not leave any evidence of wrongdoing that may damage her reputation.  

The bar was extremely busy, but we were able to order some drinks and find a spot to sit down.  While originally, Stacy suggested "drinks", we both came with an appetite and ordered some appetizers.  While she seemed socially adept, she had a difficult time telling me about herself, giving me a bunch of superficial stuff ("my favorite color is lime green") and finally saying "I'm not that interesting".

So, I took it upon myself to lay out my life with some detail.  She had set up a getaway for 8:15, 45 minutes past our scheduled drink time, and wanted to call  her girl friend and tell her to give us some more time, but since Stacy was drinking, her friend was going to drive her home.  I suggested that she invite the girl friend to join us at the bar.  Her girl friend thought it was a great idea and was on her way.  Stacy asked to take a smoking break as she "smokes when she drinks", and I stayed at the bar chatting with drunk football fans that were yelling at the TV as their team was about to win the game.

Stacy returned 10 minutes later and our food had arrived (Mushrooms stuffed with Crab and a Shrimp Cocktail).  While we were eating, her friend showed up.  Samantha (name changed to protect the innocent) is an overly voluptuous blonde, and was wearing an extremely revealing dress.  We ordered a few more drinks and a couple of other appetizers (Crabcakes and Crab Cocktail).  It seems that like Stacy, Samantha was extremely hungry and thirsty.  I love women that don't hold back when eating and drinking, especially on the first date, seriously...  I soon learned that Samantha is also in her last year of law school on her way to practicing Tax Law.  And, while Stacy was simply concerned with her reputation for political reasons, Samantha is a conservative Republican.  She had a difficult time simply sitting in the bar through the conversation, and the drinks didn't help to loosen her up.

After 1.5 hours of getting to know the girl that "isn't very interesting", and her best friend who "voted for McCain" and "loves Tax Law", I sent them on their way "to downtown San Diego to make lound snobby comments about various guys and girls that the see around".

While the date was entertaining, I can't say that I will be best friends with Stacy and Samantha.

53 Outbound messages, 1 Response

Well, I am still batting practically zero on Match.com.   Profile has been tuned a couple of times, people are having a difficult time figuring out what I could do better.

Big Change to Profile

Some folks commented that my humor was too complex for San Diego, and that while it may work in NYC or San Francisco, that San Diego requires a more direct, serious approach.  So I have made a dramatic change to my profile.  See below :

Original : 

I am housebroken, and have learned to tie my own shoes, so I am relatively low maintenance. 

• I can cook up a storm, as long as there is a fire extinguisher somewhere in the vicinity and the phone is handy in case everything fails, and we have to get delivery.

• I have never been convicted of a felony.

• I am VERY easy going, articulate, ambitious, accomplished, kind, generous, understanding, and romantic.

• I look homeless people in the eye and sometimes even give them some money

• I sing in the car when no one else is around and I have been known to record music in my home studio.

• Friends are like family to me, and I am highly regarded by them (many references available :-)). They always know the purity of my actions and intentions.

• I like happy people, so drama is a NO x 10^8. Baggage must fit into a small box (size of a carry-on), otherwise it must be checked :-). 

 

You are intelligent, intimate, open minded, kind, classy, casual, presentable at a business event, fun, funny, funny looking is ok too, talented (any kind of talent will do), sophisticated yet undressed (I meant understated), trusting, trustworthy, kind to strangers, etc. 

 

I believe an ideal relationship is one in which you let each other grow in your own ways, while sharing fundamentals that keep you together, trusting to the point that you don't ask questions, because you know in your heart the intentions of your partner. Lots of hugs, kisses, cuddling, a good sex life, etc. Oh, BTW, I have 2 pet peeves, people with poor grammar (there/their, hear/here/, your, you're, etc.), and women that are rude to waitresses.

Revised:

I was born in Russia (moved to the States when I was 10), grew up in Atlanta, and now spend my time between San Diego, LA, and New York. 

Professionally I am a techie serial entrepreneur (started 2 venture capital backed companies in San Diego over the last 9 years) and probably belong in San Francisco, but I love living in San Diego… I work a lot, but make time in the evenings and weekends for friends, family, and fun.

Personally I am extremely secure (nothing you say or do will spook me), open minded (don't judge people at all and excited about new perspectives and experiences), creative (from music, to art, to business, to sex life), curious (always interested in learning new things), genuine, kind, assertive, passionate, enlightened (see Eckhart Tolle…), articulate (do a lot of public speaking), active (hiking, biking), etc.

All of the pictures of me are recent and yes, I do like to be a bit of a goofball.

I am looking for a woman that is :

Intelligent, educated, professional that loves what she does, has good friends of her own that she loves to spend time with, open and open minded, active, healthy, loves her family (even if they are dysfunctional), loves meeting new people, loves her own space, has hobbies, likes music, loves dogs, likes to travel, is spontaneous, can hang out in sweat pants, jeans, or dresses, likes to cook and more importantly eat, has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh, etc. 

If you fit some of those attributes, message me as I am always looking for new, interesting friends. If you fit most of them then ... :-)

Current status :

3 Winks from significantly older women that live in Arizona and Malta.  One from a funky girl in San Diego.  Started mail conversation with her, but no progress so far.

Still no responses to any of my outreaches (32 so far).

  

From Rachel Kay - http://twitter.com/rachelakay

My first instinct is to change your tagline immediately.  Ugly duckling nerd is A. Not true and B. Sounds like you lack confidence. Here are some suggestions:

 

Successful entrepreneur looking for fun and driven girl (let’s be honest, girls like a successful guy)

 

Fun loving, intelligent gent looking for fun-seeking, savvy woman

 

I am sure you can get more creative but those are some thoughts.

 

Frankly, after reading the rest of the profile, I am having a hard time seeing anything I would change.  I think it is so lovely and honest sounding, and paints you as a wonderful down-to-earth guy.  I would love to see what others suggest, but in my mind all you need to do is change the tagline and the emails will start flooding your inbox.

My response to Rachel

stayed away from touting the “successful” stuff… don’t want to flaunt things.  

Her follow on response

I understand why, but you can do it without being egotistical and without attracting the wrong person (although I imagine you’d like intelligence and drive just like you would offer.)  I don’t think it is flaunting at all.  It is saying, I have accomplished a lot and I expect the same.  To me, intelligence, business savvy, an entrepreneurial spirit and the know-how to accomplish big things are sexy attributes.  

From my friend Melissa Weiss

So I did a quick edit for ya because I'm not in the mood to do any actual work. Lazy!

It's really just what you wrote but cut down. I'm thinking you just need to write enough to peak some interest and it's the meeting part that will really tell whether or not it's a match...even if you totally love everything the person wrote.

------
I am relatively low maintenance. I can cook up a storm, as long as there is a fire extinguisher somewhere in the vicinity and the phone is handy in case everything fails, and we have to get delivery. I’m easy going, ambitious, kind, understanding, romantic, sing in the car when no one else is around, love animals, record music in my home studio, and love movies like "Sleepless in Seattle", "Life is Beautiful", “Shawshank Redemption”, "It's a Wonderful Life", "The Matrix", and "This is Spinal Tap”. My friends are like family to me and according to them I’m very lovable and ready for adoption. ☺

My ideal match is open minded, kind, fun, funny, talented (any kind of talent will do), sophisticated yet understated, trusting, and trustworthy. I believe an ideal relationship is one in which you let each other grow in your own ways, while sharing fundamentals that keep you together. 

I need your help...

I am recently single after 4 years of marriage and back on the dating scene.  While I meet women in my day-to-day life, I have in the past had great success with online dating (met my wife on Match.com) and trying it again. 

Since re-activating my Match.com account last week, I have sent out emails to 10 different women within 30 miles of my place, and so far I am batting zero!  So, I thought I would have some more fun with this, and had a harebrained idea to use my network of Facebook and Twitter friends (around 1,000) to help me Crowdsource my Match.com profile as a social experiment.

I am asking you to take a stab and re-write my profile in any way you see fit.  I will post all re-writes on this blog,  choose some to try out as my profile, and post my results so we can all see how well this worked.  Best re-writes get double dates (with me and my date) at restaurants of your choice :-)

You can find my current profile here :

http://tinyurl.com/6kcy5b

The parts of the profile that you need to re-write are "About me and who I'm looking for" and/or the tagline (the blurb below my username).

Email your re-write or any questions to my address dshapiro at veoh dot com.  For subject line, please use "Match Re-Write".

Please spread this request for help to your network of friends, as I need all the help I can get ;-)

Thanks,

Dmitry